A Day at the Laundromat
by MarsFireSoul2500
Summary: The Senshi go to wash their clothes


Mama Ikkoku: Usagi? Usagi!  
she called all through the house,  
Mama Ikkoku: Usagi, where are you, you lazy girl?  
She moved into the kitchen, weilding her spatula. Suddenly, Chibi-usa popped out from inside the oven and rolled to Ikkuko's feet, hugging a bottle of syrup.  
Chibi-usa: I want pancakes!  
Mama Ikkoku: AAAAAH!  
She screamed, slapping Chibi-usa furiously with the spatula.  
Mama Ikkoku: Get it off! Get it off!  
Chibi-usa jumped up.  
Chibi-usa: Ow! Stop hitting me! Why are you hitting me! This family's so cruel!  
The little girl whined. Ikkuko noticed it was only Chibi-usa.  
Mama Ikkoku: Oh, my, Chibi-usa, you frightened me! I thought you were a giant pink blob that came out from the oven to try to eat my feet!  
Chibi-usa: I don't believe you!  
Her eyes spilling tears, Chibi-usa ran out of the kitchen.  
Mama Ikkoku: Ugh! Whatever, you little bitch!  
Just as Ikkuko closed up the oven and picked up the bottle of syrup, Usagi barged through the front door.  
Usagi: I'm hooooome!  
She yelled, in her horrible high-pitched voice.  
Mama Ikkoku: AAHH! My ears!  
Usagi's mother dropped the bottle of syrup and buckled over, falling to her knees, tightly clasping her hands against the sides of her head. Usagi removed her shoes and came into the kitchen.  
Usagi: Hi, mom!  
Ikkuko removed her hands from her head. She tried to run out of the kitchen to get away from Usagi and her obnoxious voice, but tripped over the syrup, which was still lying on the floor. It squirted everywhere as Ikkuko landed on it. Usagi's new outfit was splattered with the sticky maple fluid. She screamed and ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  
Usagi: OH NOOOO! MAAAMO-CHAAAAAN GAVE THIS TO ME!  
She shreiked. Her eyes then rolled to the back of her head and she blacked out.

R title screen and title music  
Sailor Moon R  
Too Poor for Washing Machines!  
A Day at the Laundromat

When Usagi awoke, she was lying in a pool of maple syrup. Chibi-usa sat at the table, staring Usagi down.  
Chibi-usa: Good. I was hoping you were still alive. Now, make me my damn pancakes!  
Usagi took one look at her clothes and began screaming again.  
Usagi: What am I going to do! I can't wash these! We don't have a washing machine!  
Chibi-usa: I don't give a fuck about your clothes! I want pancakes!  
Sounds of someone running down the stairs could be heard and both girls were quiet.  
Mama Ikkuko: Usagi,whydon'tyougodowntothelocallaundromatandgetcleanedup!  
She shouted, very fast, as she ran past the kitchen, covering her ears, then running out the front door. Chibi-usa blinked.  
Usagi: That's what I'll do, then! I don't wanna look like crap for Maaaaamo-chaaaaan.  
And with that, she rose to her feet. Then she slipped and fell since she was in the middle of a puddle of syrup. Usagi moaned in pain as she crawled away from it, then left the house. Chibi-usa sat alone at the table.  
Chibi-usa: There's no way I'm that stupid bitch's daughter!

Usagi: MYYYYYY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME, IT'S O-S-C-A-R!  
She bellowed, walking down the street, on her way to the laundromat,  
Usagi: MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME, IT'S M-E-Y-E-R!  
Around her, people began to scream in pain, falling to their knees and running for their lives.  
Usagi: ...CUZ OSCAR MEYER HAS A WAY WITH B-O-L-O-G-N-A!  
All of a sudden, Usagi bumped into Minako, who was carrying a stack of clothes taller than herself. Shirts, pants, skirts, and panties flew everywhere.  
Usagi: Hiiii, Minako-chan!  
Minako: Oh, I'm sorry, Usagi-chan, I totally couldn't like, see where I was going!  
As they picked up Minako's garments, Usagi asked,  
Usagi: So, where ya off to?  
Minako: I'm like, going to the laundromat.  
Usagi: Why?  
Minako: To like, wash my clothes.  
Usagi: Why?  
Minako: Because like, I don't have a washing machine at home.  
Usagi: Why?  
Minako: It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm poor.  
Usagi: Ooh,  
She replied, pinching her nose.  
Minako: Oh, come on, Usagi-chan, Like, I don't smell THAT bad!  
Usagi: Yes you do...  
Minako lifted her arm and sniffed her armpit.  
Minako: Ugh! I guess I do!  
Usagi: Yeah... Well, anyway, I'm going to the laundromat, too! Look at my clothes! Chibi-usa messed them up with her fucking pancake syrup!  
Minako giggled. Usagi offered to carry half of Minako's nasty clothes and they both continued walking over to the laundromat as about a dozen flies followed.

When they reached their destination, both were surprised to see Rei and Makoto there as well.  
Rei: Heeeey, dawgs!  
Makoto: Yo, whut up, G?  
Minako: Like, wow! Rei-chan and like, Mako-chan come here, too!  
A horrible scent drifted throughout the room.  
Rei: Are those YOUR clothes I smell all the way over here, Usagi-chan?  
Usagi: Very funny, Rei-chan! You make me laugh! Hahaha! It's so funny, my tummy hurts!  
Minako: They're MY clothes.  
Makoto: Whoops...  
She said, walking away.  
Rei: God, Minako-chan, you STINK!  
Usagi: Rei-chan! Be nice!  
Rei: Minako, if you want, you can come over to the Hikawa Shrine later and take a bath.  
Minako: No, that's okay. I have a bath at home.  
Usagi looked at Minako oddly.  
Usagi: Then why do you smell so bad?  
Minako: I just CHOOSE not to bathe!  
Minako laughed. Usagi made a face, then went over to Makoto.  
Usagi: Um, I need to wash these clothes that I'm wearing and I was wondering if you had something for me to wear while I wash these.  
Makoto nodded and handed her jeans and a t-shirt. Usagi smiled and thanked her, then went into the bathroom to change. After loading their clothes into machines, Rei sat down and began reading her new Cosmopolitan, while Makoto started playing a cheap arcade game in the far corner of the laundromat. Minako pounded on the bathroom door.  
Minako: Like, hurry up, Usagi-chan! I like, have to go like, really bad!  
The door opened and Usagi came out with her outfit in hand.  
Usagi: That is the most disgusting bathroom I've ever been in...  
Minako jetted into the lavatory and slammed the door behind her.  
Makoto: What's her hurry?  
Suddenly, the sound of a loud, wet splatter came from inside the bathroom, followed by another and yet another.  
Rei: Oh, gross!  
Makoto: When you're climbin' up a ladder and you feelin' somethin' splatter - Diarrhea!  
She jested, continuing her game.

Usagi slumped over as her head lay on her arm. Next to hers, A giant pile of Minako's clothes sat on the adjacent washing machine. She lathargically got up and dumped them in. Just as she was closing the top, Minako came over, smiling.  
Minako: Need some like, soap, Usagi-chan?  
She asked, pouring the whole box in, giggling.  
Usagi: YAAAA!  
She knocked the box out of Minako's hand.  
Minako: What'sa matter, Usagi-chan?  
Usagi looked at her like "What are you, stupid!" Just then, Setsuna and Ami walked through the door. Minako ran over.  
Minako: Have you like, come here to wash clothes, too?  
Setsuna: No, I came here to bake cookies.  
Usagi tilted her head.  
Usagi: In a laundromat?  
Ami: Zezz!  
Usagi moved closer to Setsuna and whispered,  
Usagi: Why'd ya bring Ami-chan?  
Setsuna looked over at the ugly blue-haired smarty pants.  
Setsuna: Tch. Are you kidding? I'm not _that_ big of a loser. She just followed me here.  
Suddenly, Ami began twitching violently. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She grabbed the clothes basket from Setsuna's hands and tossed it at Usagi.  
Usagi: Hey! Watch it!  
Ami: Malfunction!  
Everyone was quiet. Then Setsuna smacked Ami in the back of the head.  
Setsuna: Stupid bitch!  
She walked across the room and picked up her clothes, putting them back in her basket.  
Ami: Did you- zezz! Hear that Setsuna-san has a boyfriend?  
Usagi & Minako: WHAAAT!  
Ami: Wait,  
She said, pulling out her little computer,  
Ami: According to my- zezz! Calculations, she has two.  
Usagi: Two boyfriends!  
Minako: Totally kinky!  
Ami started shaking and twitching.  
Ami: My computer database is filled with infor- zezz! -mation about her sex life.  
Minako: Well, duh! That's like, what boyfriends are for!  
Ami typed and typed at her mini computer. Usagi pushed Minako aside.  
Usagi: So, who are they!  
Ami's head spun around in a complete three hundred and sixty degrees.  
Ami: Momoru-san and Motoki-san.  
Usagi stood upright and grunted, then turned to Minako.  
Usagi: You heard that, right?  
Minako was enflamed and was seeing red. Rei, who was all the way on the other side of the room, heard this and began laughing hysterically.  
Minako: He's cheating on me!  
Ami's limbs began spazzing and shooting out in all directions, hitting Usagi in the face, and kicking Minako's thigh.  
Ami: Database! Database! Zezz! Data- zezz!  
Then her body exploded. Usagi started crying and collapsed to her knees. Just as Minako was charging at Setsuna, the machine Usagi was using to wash her clothes, blew up in an eruption of bubbles and fizz.  
Usagi: I told you you put too much soap in!  
Minako: w00t! Hahaha!  
The bubbles grew taller and taller.  
Rei: The excitement begins...  
Minako jumped up onto one of the washing machines and began doing the chicken dance. Usagi joined her.  
Usagi & Minako: I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck! So, kiss my a-  
Setsuna: Watch your language!  
Usagi: Shut up, you boyfriend stealing whore!  
Setsuna: Too young!  
She said, pointing at them both.  
Usagi & Minako: We are not little kiddies!  
They turned to each other, then sang the song over.  
Usagi & Minako: I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck! So, kiss my... ASS!  
Setsuna: Stop cursing!  
Minako got in Setsuna's face and bragged.  
Minako: AAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!  
Still, the bubbles rose as everyone ignored them.  
Makoto: Minako-chan, jump in, it's the bath you NEED!  
Minako: Like, shut up!  
Usagi ran over to Rei, who was just standing, doing absolutely nothing as the bubbles took over the room.  
Usagi: Rei-chan, help me!  
She yelled, jumping into Raye's arms.  
Usagi: I have a confession! I never really did it with Mamo-chan! I've never done it with _anyone_!  
Rei: So... Ya wanna make out?  
As they commenced getting intimate, Makoto noticed the entrance door open all by itself - or so it seemed since the bottom half of the room was already filled with bubbles. A short pink streak moved across the room beneath the white fizz.  
Makoto: What the hell..?  
It stopped right in front of her, then popped out.  
Chibi-usa: I WANT PANCAKES!  
Makoto: AAAHH!  
She screamed, falling backward.  
Minako: Holy shit! It's Chibi-usa!  
All but Setsuna took refuge on top of the long connected line of washing machines. Setsuna just ran out of the building, yelling,  
Setsuna: Pease porridge in the pot nine days old!  
Rei: Now what are we going to do!  
Usagi: I don't wanna die! WAAH!  
Chibi-usa: RAWR! PANCAKES!  
She roared, making her way over to them with her sharp teeth bared.  
Minako: This is scarier than Jaws!  
Just as Chibi-usa was close enough and grabbed Usagi's leg, a red rose shot out of nowhere and stuck into Chibi-usa's huge hair.  
Rei: Gasp!  
Makoto: Gasp!  
Minako: Gasp!  
Usagi: EEE! It's Tuxedo Kamen-sama! He's come to rescue me!  
Tuxedo Kamen stood atop of the soda machine a few feet away.His cape blowing in the mysteriously present wind.  
Makoto: Where's the wind coming from?  
Tuxedo Kamen: Sorry, I have gas...  
Usagi, Rei, Minako, Makoto: EEEWW!  
Chibi-usa growled and pulled at the rose embedded in her hair.  
Usagi: Quick, Tuxedo Kamen-sama, kill her with a magical attack!  
He stood silently for a moment.  
Tuxedo Kamen: I... Don't have any mgical attacks... All I can do is throw roses...  
Usagi: Oh...  
Makoto: What good are you, then!  
She turned to the other girls with a grin. They all nodded.  
Makoto: JUPITAA PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!  
Rei: MAAZU PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!  
Usagi: MOON PURIZUMU PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!  
Minako: Oh, we're like, Henshin'ing? I like, thought you wanted to like, get down and dirrty!  
Each of the girl's stopped dead in the middle of their henshin and stared at Minako with a shocked expression.  
Minako: Okay, okay, like, chill out... VEENISU PAWAA, MEIKKU APPU!  
By the time everyone had finished Henshin'ing, the bubbles and fizz was up to their breasts and Chibi-usa had already drown. Her small body was now floating at the top of it all.  
Makoto: This is not cool...  
Minako: Like, so totally far from cool.  
Tuxedo Mask: Goodbye!  
He said, about to leave.  
Usagi: Hold it right there, mister!  
She scolded,  
Usagi: Where do you think you're going!  
Tuxedo Kamen: I'm going to meet my girlfriend, Setsuna at the coffee shop.  
Usagi's face fell.  
Tuxedo Kamen: I'm already late, so if you'll excuse me...  
And with that, he jumped away and disappeared. Tears streamed from Usagi's eyes and she whimpered softly.  
Makoto: Don't let it get to you, Usagi-chan, I heard he's really a secret fag.  
Minako: Yeah, maybe Setsuna-san's really a guy in drag!  
Rei: Most guys I know turned out to be gay after I dated them.  
Usagi: But, sometimes, I like fries with my burger. Is that such a crime!  
The three girls exchanged looks.  
Makoto: What?  
Usagi: Hmm?  
Rei: Aren't you upset that Mamoru-san dumped you for Setsuna-san?  
Usagi: No...  
Minako: Then why are you crying?  
Usagi: Because this soap is starting to burn my clit!  
When Usagi brought that up, everyone else began to notice the burning as well.  
Minako: AH!  
Rei: OOH!  
Makoto: OUCH! Let's get outta here!  
They all swam over to the exit and opened the door. A rush of water and white fizz pushed them out and a block away. Drifting along with them were their clothes. When the water cleared, and everyone was safely sitting on the ground, each of them noticed that their clothes had all landed in a newly formed giant puddle of mud.  
Usagi: WAAAAAAAHH!  
Minako: Dun dun dun! And so our story continues!  
Rei and Makoto twitched.  
Rei: NO NO NO! Pay no attention to her!  
Makoto: The end!


End file.
